Heart to HEART
I am Jessie Mills, Ph.D.
Child & Adult Clinical Psychology - Mills



            INTRODUCTION: Matthew 10:34-39.

            Verse 37, “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me”.

            Verse 38, “And he who does not take up his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me”.

            Verse 39, “He who has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall find it”. 

            I suggest that we take our Bible and EXPLORE the thoughts above. The only way we can gain any knowledge of God’s Word is to explore in depth the above statements made by Christ while He was yet on earth. To accomplish the above task, we must take the study one step at a time. So, first one must have the desire to learn of Christ and God. To accomplish that, one must enter such study with an open mind, and an open heart, willing to take time to take inventory of our present life, and see what the present life style has brought us to.

            But what attitude should we take toward the paradoxes of these Christian doctrines? If we give up in accordance with the first mentioned viewpoint above then we have failed to meet the qualifications of Christianity. Because of its intellectual crosses, then we have failed. And if we cannot accept the last named doctrine, or viewpoint and thus construe the doctrine as negative, it is essentially the same as to falsify Scripture, and ancient history, which records the teaching of first century Christian fathers. If we give up Christianity what shall we do? Where shall we go?

            We can thus trace the history of these intellectual crosses all the way back to the time in which Christianity originated and to its classical documents, as well as the New Testament. Now, we know that many people think that modern man is the first to have experienced these crosses. They think that men in ancient times did not feel them such. However, this idea is not based upon any real study of sources; it is arbitrary assumption. The Epistles and the book of Acts in the New Testament tell us something very different about ancient man.

            We as people are no different from those who lived, suffered, and survived, and were saved in ancient times, we must I think come to recognize that we today fall into two groups of people as they did in the first century. If we are of the critical type, we calmly set aside Christ and the cross and live our paradox-less lives with a religion Christ did not die for; but more or less religiously all according to our disposition and environment.

            Now, to those who have looked into his own life with disgust, shame, and sorrow, and have seen that he needs to change his life style, Can look to God’s Word for comfort and instructions. No longer do theoretical questions, about the conception of the atoning death, or the resurrection, cause them difficulty. On the contrary, the intellectual cross, which now disturbs them, has become a practical one; is it possible for God to receive a sinner such as I? John 9:31, yes, when I have set my heart to God, God will hear, and will provide help to be saved; But not before, one has made up his mind to obey; rather than to sacrifice 1 Samuel 15:25.


            Heb. 5:8, “Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered”.           

            Belief, Trust, Faith is Synonymous. Faith Life has many aspects. The Scriptures and experience tell us that obedience is an exceedingly important aspect of faith, but also very difficult one. “Behold to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat rams”. {1 Samuel 15:22}, when we recall what sacrifice meant according to God’s own instruction in the old Covenant, we begin to gain some idea of the value of obedience in the sight of God. The passage we have cited no doubt means that men can bring God no sacrifice, no gift, that is more valuable in His sight than obedience.

            But at the same time the Scriptures tell us from cover to cover that no gift is of more difficult for us to bring to God than obedience.

            Even the most God-fearing men mentioned in the Bible erred by being disobedient. It seems that this was their greatest temptation. Thus both in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, Moses is pictured as an extraordinary prophet of God {Exodus 33:11; Numbers 12:3,7, 8; Deuteronomy 34:10-12; Heb. 3:2}. Nevertheless, Moses committed a sin of disobedience so great that the Lord had to mete out to him the severe punishment of not being permitted to enter into the promised land {Numbers 20:7-12}. He was excluded as completely as the other disobedient Israelites who had seen the glory of God and the signs He done in Egypt {Numbers 14:20-23}. In fact, even God’s own Son, had to learn obedience {Heb. 5:8; Psalm 15:1-5}. And it was through suffering and temptation that He learned it. His temptation was all along a temptation to disobey the Father’s Will and not to walk in His way.

            But all three temptations in the wilderness were temptations to disobedience. Likewise the temptation at Caesarea Philippi  {Matthew 16:13-23} and at the wedding in Cana {John 2:4}.
            The Gospels does not conceal the fact that obedience was difficult even for Jesus. But, He was the pattern for mankind today, if He could do it, we can do it. Although it cost Him terrific struggles. Who in the days of His flesh, having offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto that which was able to save Him from Death, and having been heard for His Godly fear, {Hebrews 5:7}. It is prayers and cries of distress such as this that we hear in Gethsemane and upon the Cross {
Matthew 26:38-44; 27:46}.

            If I understand the Gospel right, obedience was the great test, which Jesus was called upon to meet and which determined whether He could become our Saviour. The Scriptures say: “though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered; and having been made perfect, He became unto all them that obey Him the author of eternal salvation” [Hebrews 5:8-9}. And again “and being in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, becoming obedient even to death, yes, the death of the cross. Wherefore God also highly exalted Him, and gave unto Him the name which is above every name” {Philippians 2:8-9} And: “For as though one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, even so through the obedience of one shall the many be made righteous” {Romans 5:19}.

            Yes, verily, here we have indicated to all who reads, to see the value of loving oneself enough to make up our minds to look at the value of the cross, and the value of deciding in favor of Christ who loved us so much that He was willing to offer the last sacrifice for sin, for us  {Hebrews 9:26}.

            What is our attitude toward the obedience of {Romans 6:3-6}? What is our attitude toward [Rom. 5:19}?


            The passage cited, Romans 5:19, tells us that our sins was from the very beginning one of disobedience. The sinful mind is the disobedient mind, which does not desire to do the Will of God, not even when the natural man seeks to do the Will of God because he is afraid of God or because he deems it a wise expedient {Psalms 5:4-6}. “God is not a God that has pleasure in wickedness: neither will evil dwell with thee”. The spirit of disobedience in man should not be afraid of God, because it is this God who gave up His Son to the Cross-for salvation to those who believe. Rejection of this man on the cross should bring fear; but only Christ can remove that fear; fear comes from being a natural man. A natural man is one who cannot accept the things of the spirit; for he is physical and cannot understand the Spirit.

            {Ephesians 5:6} “Let no one deceive you with EMPTY words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience”. Notice the phrase “empty words for because of these things”. So, if you are interested in your potential; and welfare consider “these things”. Christ was offered on the cross for an eternal sacrifice for sins of the world; but not for mankind to set his own rules, regulations, and types of worship to accommodate his character; these are “empty words”; but to follow the instructions that leads to salvation is God given; and only God can forgive and bless. Notice the following {Col. 1:12-22} you will see perhaps for the first time in a lifetime; that God is the only one who can deliver one out of the bondage of sin; and deliver you into the kingdom of His beloved Son. Man made institutions cannot offer you salvation; and grant to you safety from the wrath of God. The Holy Spirit identifies the Christ of God as creating all things in Heaven and on earth, because this Christ was the executor of God’s Plan {Proverbs 8:22-30}.

            Since there was only one God who ruled over only one universe; and only one Son of God who would rule over those who obeyed His rules and regulations of His Kingdom Church {Acts 20:28} and who was the only one who could deliver one from the wrath of God {Romans 5:9}; But the thought that one Church Kingdom was as good with God as another! Wrong {Acts 4:11-12}. {Col. 1:18} for sure shows that

Christ is the head of only that Kingdom Church He died for, and that man under the heavens cannot authorize kingdoms, or Churches and gives names for them.

            Again this is failure on the part of man; who chooses to disobey the Scriptures authored by the Holy Spirit of God, namely those Scriptures which is a direct command to all people who begins to turn their hearts to God {2 Timothy 2:15; 2 Timothy 3:16}. This is a direct view of spiritual disobedience. God does not allow substitutes in Christianity; know the difference. Only man allows for substitution and that in religion. Any thing less than total obedience to God is “spiritual rejection”.

            Does not the natural man look upon God as something unpleasant, something annoying, as something that is in his way? He even looks upon God as his adversary or enemy, simply because God is a God who Wills, a God who Wills something very definite in regard to man, God who Wills that which is right and true, a God whose Will, therefore, is the strongest of all Wills, in the presence of which man feels, deep in his heart, that he is inferior and impotent.

            Remember that on one occasion Jesus characterized the flesh as the opposite of the willing spirit {Mark 14:38}. And the unwilling is precisely the thing which characterizes the natural man. And this is not only true when he leads an ungodly or worldly life, at which times unregenerate man thinks that God’s requirements are so unreasonable that they do not apply to him, wherefore he does as he thinks best for himself, or, in doubtful instances, what other people do as a rule; But I remember what the Holy Spirit of God said in {1 Cor. 2:10-15} A natural man cannot understand the things of God because they are Spiritually appraised, God said they are foolishness to him.

            The natural man’s relationship to God is characterized by an unwilling spirit also when he lives a moral and religious life. History informs us that the natural man feels secure in his religion, {not Christianity}. The natural man is afraid to inventory his self styled religious life by the Holy Scriptures. Therefore, the unwilling spirit manifests itself also in connection with his religious association with God. He finds it very strenuous to be a Christian that is to pray to God, to study His Word, the Bible, to go to the assembly to worship regularly. And in particular to be compelled to speak about God and things pertaining to his salvation. Instead he is heard to say, “ perhaps tomorrow”. Or, “I will wait until I feel better. Or, “When you agree with me”!

            This to me sounds like “Syncretism”, which has existed since Adam and Eve, and especially since the first century when Christianity was born through Christ at the cross. To define “Syncretism”, Britannica World Language, Volume two, page 1322. “Syncretism A tendency or effort to reconcile and unite various systems of religion, or Christianity”. To change the set rules of God.

            When God meets a natural man, living a moral and righteous life, we notice that this man employs his religion as holy and just, and therefore, this is his best defense against the Gospel’s urgent requirements of repentance and regeneration. Therefore we see also that none are more bitter and more determined opponents of spiritual awakening and conversion than these selfsame religious people, who have provided themselves with a self made morality and a religion which they deem sufficient, the very purpose of which is to prevent any further interference on the part of the Lord.

            Truly, I do not mean to say that these good and respectable people practice this deception consciously. Not at all that too, is one of the peculiarities of the natural man that he feels absolutely safe and above criticism as far as his relation to God is concerned, and considers his own judgment in things

Pertaining to morality and religion safer and more trust-worthy than the divine word of the Scripture.



            I do not know whether we ever experience anything more mystical and impossible of explanation than our spiritual awakening. Note, for instance, the man who lives an ungodly life, he sins so calmly and boldly that he does not even try to conceal his wrong-doing. For this he seeks praise and power.

            Such a man we know personally; this man is a pattern for all mankind, an example of what it means to really come forth from sin, and experience conversion and regeneration. Such a man we read about in, Acts 9:1-19, although this is a long reading, we may find our pattern of the natural man. The soon to be Apostle lived the life of “Syncretism”, that is he lived to change the world of Christianity to his own belief; and was well on his way; but on this last road he would travel as a convert to Judaism, he met face to face with Jesus the Christ, he had persecuted Christ, he had persecuted Christ’s converts, he had disbelieved in the Christ; the Messiah. But now listen as this pattern suddenly sees a great light from heaven flashed around him; and he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him; Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?

            And Saul said who art Thou Lord? And Jesus said I am Jesus whom you are persecuting; but arise and go into the city and it shall be told what you must do. Verse 9, and he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. Another Biblical account is found in Acts 22:1-16, we notice verse 10 Saul [Paul} says “What shall I do Lord”, Verse 16 “And now why do you delay? Arise and be baptized and wash away your sins. I say this is not complicated to obey. See Galatians 1:13-16, the Apostle was chosen from his mother’s womb; but lived in a life of sin, until the Christ came to him.

            These Scriptures do not say that Christ will give you and I an experience such as Saul of Tarsus experienced; but Our Christ gave us a pattern to follow, we too should be saying Lord what must I do? Do as the pattern demanded {Acts 9:11, “For behold, he is praying”.

            The question that Saul of Tarsus, later known as the Apostle Paul asked; “What shall I do Lord”, is a question we must ask before we can become a candidate for the Salvation offered by Christ and His Gospel {the terms of Christ}. Saul on that road saw the light that blinded him, however, he did not see the Glory of his Lord; and could not until he had completed those things which was required of him. He had heard the Lord; he had repented when he asked {What shall I do}? His next step was to obey the instructions given him by Ananias who said -- Acts 22:14-16, “The God of our fathers has appointed you to know His Will, and to see the righteous One, and to hear an utterance from His Mouth”. — Acts 9:4-5, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me”? “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting”. Saul heard Jesus say to him, “Why are you persecuting Me? — Ananias said, v-15, “For you will be a witness for Him to all men of what you have seen and heard”. 

            Verse 16, “And now why do you delay? Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on His name”. Now Saul comes forth a new creature, a spiritual creature; he is now Paul the Apostle. The old man Saul died as God regenerated his life in water. Rom. 6:3-5; 2 Cor. 5:16-17. The Apostle was a new man, the rest of his life he lived as a new creature, a creature that God created through regeneration in the water. So being baptized in water is ESSENTIAL to salvation; without God regenerating the old person of sin he cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I personally believe this, because this is what our Lord teaches, this is what the apostle was told to do; this is our example. No change in this Doctrine by man shall be recognized by God {Rev. 22:18-19}.

            God performed a miracle on Saul of Tarsus, He created in Saul a new heart, He created the Apostle to do His Will that is to tell others the way to the Lord Jesus, and to live a life conducive of Christianity; rather than a religion. The Apostle has now from the heart obeyed Matthew {10:37-39}. The Apostle takes up his cross and followed after Christ; he lost the old man of sin, he lost it for the sake of Christ, he found his new life in the water of baptism {Rom. 6:4}. Thus this pattern of Salvation is binding upon whomsoever chooses to take up the Cross of Christ and follow after Him.


            Without doubt the art of maintaining salvation is not easy; but our Lord gives us signs, which will help retain our faith, if only we will pay attention.

            First, I will give you scriptural signs that apply to any person before he reaches the point of obedience as the Apostle Paul did. — The natural man feels inherently bitter toward God when He with heavy hand breaks down his health, deprives him of strength to work, frustrates him in his plans and hopes, or breaks into his family circle and removes his loved ones. But never, in all probability, does the natural man feel more strongly opposed to God than when He with brutal hand also demolishes his religion. {Rom. 2:7-9} The Apostle Paul shared in most of these events before conversion. Which now leads us to signs to watch closely after conversion to Christ and His Kingdom Church.

            Second, after conversion, we will see our friends, and family turn against us, because we chose Christ for salvation; rather than man {Matthew 10:34-36}, it is not because I say so; rather because Christ said it would happen when you chose Him. Because people, even His own family members, friends, His nationality of people, and because Christ was able to look down through the ages and see what ever generation of people would be like, and because He knew that when you obeyed Him you was telling the world that you have accepted Christ and His Doctrine, rather than the doctrine and teaching of mere man.


            The experiences of awakened souls vary somewhat. Some are plunged into violent spiritual struggles at once. They would so much like to believe and have peace and joy with God. But they do not succeed. It seems as though they cannot succeed in anything. They cannot pray right, not read the Word of God and derive any spiritual benefit from it, not to be sorry for sin as they should, not be really turned away from their former manner of living as they should, and not gain peace and assurance, though they put forth the most energetic efforts of which they are capable. {Galatians 6:1-5}.

            Each Church and its members should be aware of Saints who cannot immediately lay hold of the Way of Christ, who was weak to begin with, and now, needs additional help to grow into the Child that Christ wants as His servant.

            Then there are other awakened souls who almost immediately attain to joy and peace with assurance. They are very bold and active, and to their sad-hearted friends they become a shining ideal — and source of despair. “Saying” why do not I attain to this peace, love, joy, righteous control? They say, “Have I erred in some way? Or is it insincerity on my part that hinders God from imparting to me the gifts of salvation? However, before very long these rejoicing souls experience that “the Bridegroom is taken away from them”. Then their joy, too, comes to an end, and then will they fast in that day? {Mark 2:19-20}. --- In short, the conversion struggle is always a death struggle, but there are souls that the Lord cannot plunge into this grievous death struggle at once. To help them, especially to help them from despair God’s Holy Spirit said through the Apostle Paul that: “For by Grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God”. {“Eph. 2:8, Peter in speaking in regards to the gift from God says in Acts 2:38, “Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus for the forgiveness of sins and you shall receive a gift from the Holy Spirit”}. Grace is a gift of God. One cannot purchase it. It is a reward for obedience.


            Why does He not give these sincere, seeking, groping, sighing and anxious souls at once the peace, assurance, and good pleasure to give to poor sinners joy which Jesus has won for them and which they seek so earnestly, in fact, which it is also the Lord’s good pleasure to give to poor sinners. But keep in mind, that small children many times are over fed such amount of food that it becomes a physical burden to them. In short such can help to destroy the healthy body. So in the same sense of giving, God knows when to give; and how much to give at any one time.

             At this point, there are conditions that we have needed to cover again; that is another helping of Spiritual food. Remember we said in regards to conditions leading up to conversions, that there were certain hurdles to climb, and to conquer before we could really be prepared for the conversion moment.

            So it is to be remembered that our attitude must be adjusted to fit Christian’s attitude, and be like Christ. An example — I present myself before God with demands all of my own, it is as though I would say: I have now turned to God, and this He must do at ONCE! And if He does not do it, I Feel almost offended!

            The Scripture informs us that God kills before He makes Alive {Deut. 32:39}. Only he who is willing to lose his life, his old life style—shall find Life {Matt. 10:39}. This I find to be unto death, Paul says {Rom. 7:10}.

            As a matter of fact, God kills the last vestige of my inbred self-confidence and willfulness by the simple expedient of not giving to me during faith’s early period of stress, grace, which can be felt, which I so intensely desire. This Grace helps me through each day of stress, disfavor, rejection, and confusion.


            Jessie E. Mills, D M.

            1729 Hwy 79-n

            Bonifay, Fl--32425 


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