BIBLICAL FULFILLMENT
Engagement (#2)
I am Jessie Mills, Ph.D.
VIDEO LESSONS
ARTICLES - SERIES 1
ARTICLES - SERIES 2
ARTICLES - SERIES 3
ARTICLES - SERIES 4
Child & Adult Clinical Psychology - Mills
MY STUDENT'S PAGES
LINKS & GUESTBOOK
REVIEW OF 2 PET. 3:10
EXTANT DOCUMENT. OF FULFILLED PROPHECY

LESSON SEVEN

 

ENGAGEMENT (#2)

 

INTRODUCTION

In our last lesson we noticed the importance of the engagement period. It offers many opportunities for to get to know each other. We must always remember that marriages sensibly begun offer far more possibilities to be harmonious than hasty hitches. The axiom "haste makes waste" is never more true than in this realm. Prospective husbands will do well to consider carefully and prayerfully all the issues involved. A leisurely period of engagement still remains the best prelude yet devised to a durable, happy and satisfying marriage. By making the most of the engagement period, you are noticeably enriching the years that are to follow.

In this lesson we want to consider some more facts about the engagement period.

I. USUALLY YOUR FIANCÉ OR FIANCÉE WILL BE YOUR MARRIAGE MATE.

A. Very few engagements are broken.

B. Becoming engaged to the wrong person will crucify happiness in the home later on.

C. This is why we once again emphasize the "courting or dating period".

1. Advanced courtship should be "the court of legitimate inquiry". Here you discover your darling!

2. Ask in advance, "Would I want this person to be the mother (or father) of my children?"

3. Deception in dating is dangerous. (Proverbs 6:24,25)

a. Be yourself

b. If that is not good enough, the two of you will never be happy.

D. GENERAL QUESTIONS FOR YOU BOTH TO ASK:

This is primarily for self-examination. This is to test your own maturity for marriage. It is not so much a matter of physical age as it is advancement toward adulthood.

1. How close am I to taking full charge of my own life and conduct?

a. Have I developed self-discipline?

b. Can I make a whole-hearted decision?

c. Am I dependent on others for little things?

2. Have I made (or am I making) myself a desirable mate?

a. What is my reputation?

b. Have I developed skills and attitudes necessary for my part in marriage relative to household work (cooking, ironing, house cleaning, etc.), toward sex (I Cor. 7:1-5), toward children, toward guests and relatives?

3. Do my family, teachers, employer, and friends trust me willingly with responsibility?

a. If others don't trust me, how could I expect a mate, who must depend on me, to be satisfied?

4. Am I resourceful?

a. Do I panic in a slight change of events, or an emergency?

b. Do I need frequent attention and entertainment or, can I find plenty to do if left alone by myself?

5. Can we solve our differences of opinion by compromise?

a. Must a difference always go one direction?

b. Are both willing to yield a little here and there?

6. Do we agree on vital issues?

a. God - do we agree about Him? Do we include Him in our plans? Do we agree about how to serve him and how we will train our children?

Have you considered these facts?

(1) Nine out of ten divorces granted in the U.S. are given to people who have different religious affiliations.

(2) Superior Court Judge Roger Alton Pfaff, who presides over the Conciliation Court of Los Angeles County says, "My studies show that among 95% of the couples coming for divorces, either one or both of them do not attend church regularly".

(3) There has never been a divorce in a FAITHFUL CHRISTIAN HOME!

b. Life Companion - Do we feel marriage is a vital requirement for our happiness? Is it going to help us or hurt us? Is this a desire to share life or a desire to do as others have done? Do we agree about companionship and family life?

c. Life work - Do we agree about the husband's vocation? Will it solve the problem of money matters? Do we agree about the wife working or not working? (With a family?) Do we agree about HOW money should be used?

d. It is interesting to note that Judge Pfaff, mentioned above, found in a recent poll that "the most important factors in keeping a family together are: 1. having an active religious affiliation, going to church. 2. having children, 3. and owning a home - in that order.

II. STUMBLING BLOCKS TO MARRIAGE

A. TO BE CONSIDERED BEFORE MARRIAGE:

 1. Set too high an IDEAL for the one you will marry.

 2. Ignorance of "IN-LAWS" background.

 3. Stress "One Trait" too much.

 4. Know his (or her) faults, marry to correct his (or her) life. Plan to reform.

 5. Marriage without discussion.

 6. Narrowing the field of choice, too soon.

 7. Falling in "love" suddenly. Love at "first sight".

 8. Marriage on the "Rebound" (so comforting and understanding).

 9. Marriage on an impulse.

10. The feeling that you are isolated ••• no one else left for you (now or never attitude).

11. Marry to be a good sport.

12. Marriage, prompted by spirit of superstition.

13. Adultery with person engaged to (or anyone else). Some persons feel that they are promised in marriage, hence gives right for sexual familiarities before marriage.

14. Fear of divorce.

15. Overly cautious (fearful).

16. Mobility of American people.

B. YOU SHOULD KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT YOUR MATE BEFORE MARRIAGE AS POSSIBLE:

In an attempt to get at the personality traits that make for happiness or unhappiness in marriage, one sociologist asked 792 couples to rank the most common grievance each mate had against the other according to their seriousness in causing difficulty in marriage. Notice the top ten as follows:

ORDER LISTED BY HUSBAND:

1. Wife nags me.

2. Wife not affectionate.

3. Wife selfish and inconsiderate.

4. Wife complains too much.

5. Wife interferes with my hobbies.

6. Wife slovenly in appearance.

7. Wife is quick tempered.

8. Wife interferes with my discipline.

9. Wife conceited.

  10. Wife is insincere.

ORDER LISTED BY WIVES:

1. Husband selfish and inconsiderate.

2. Husband unsuccessful in business.

3. Husband is untruthful.

4. Husband complains too much.

5. Husband does not show affection.

6. Husband does not talk things over.

7. Husband harsh with children.

8. Husband touchy.

9. Husband has no interest in children.

  10. Husband not interested in home.

You will notice that the large majority of these traits are not traits that develop suddenly after marriage. Most of them were present before marriage, but the future husband and wife were blind to them, or else they did not consider them serious enough to cause difficulty in their marriage.

Another study of a large number of couples that had been successfully married for some years revealed that these couples explained their success in marriage on the basis of certain personality traits. They mentioned most often: (1) affection, (2) understanding, (3) ability to give and take, (4) cooperation, (5) and willingness to talk things over. More care in choosing a marriage partner could go a long way toward ensuring the success of marriage.

There is a danger that, in making lists of characteristics to consider in choosing a mate, we will leave the impression that one should not marry until he finds the perfect person. We must be realistic and accept the fact that no one is perfect. Benjamin Tillet once said, "God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her".

CONCLUSION:

The things presented in this lesson are very important. Use all the guidance you can in choosing a mate. But once you are married, try earnestly to do what you can toward making your marriage a success, regardless of the shortcomings of your mate. Try to build a marriage that will have God's approval.

REVIEW QUESTIONS

1. Should marriage be entered into with haste?  ____ Yes  ____ No

2. Do you need time to consider all the issues involved in marriage?  ____ Yes  ____ No

3. Will you usually marry your fiancé or fiancée?  ____ Yes  ____ No

4. Should you marry a person you wouldn't want to be the mother or father of your children? ___ Yes ___ No

5. Is deception in dating a good thing?  ____ Yes  ____ No

6. Should you always be yourself? ____ Yes  ____ No

7. List six (6) things you should ask yourself in self-examination.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

8. Is it important that you agree about God? ____ Yes  ____ No

9. List seven (7) stumbling blocks to be considered before marriage:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

10. Should you know a lot about your mate before you marry?  ____ Yes  ____ No

11. List ten (10) complaints made by husbands about their wives.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

 10.

12. List ten (10) complaints made by wives about their husbands.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

 10.

13. Were most of these personality traits developed after marriage?  ____ Yes  ____ No

14. List five (5) things most mentioned by happy couples that help create happiness:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

15. Is anyone perfect?  ____ Yes  ____ No

16. We should try to build a marriage that will have God's approval.  ____ Yes  ____ No

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© Copyright 2015 by Jessie Mills. All Rights Reserved by the author, Jessie E. Mills, Jr. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior express written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or other publications. Such quotations must be used with proper reference to their context and give appropriate credit to their authorship.